


South Drarry

by SouthDrarry



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, South Park
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27763438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthDrarry/pseuds/SouthDrarry
Summary: Aurors Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have been assigned a new case, to investigate the strange goings on in the small rural town of South Park.A.K.A the South Park / Harry Potter that no one asked for but I decided to write as I wanted to write a scene where Draco reacts to Eric Cartman.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. Come on down to South Park

**Author's Note:**

> So I’m not sure whether to write this or not... as I’m pretty much just writing South Park these days. 
> 
> I’ve still got style/bunny/creek things in mind but I felt like writing this

“You want us to go where?!” Draco Malfoy exclaimed with pure outrage written on his aristocratic features.

Kingsley sighed. “Look. I don’t really want to send you myself. But MACUSA requested we send Harry Potter. He’s kind of got a reputation of getting things done. Even of there.”

Harry scowled at the mention of his fame, even at the age of 30, he still was averse to the attention his childhood actions had gained him. Of course it didn’t help that he was a fairly reputable auror too. “Still not sure why Malfoy has to come though.” He muttered under his breath audibly.

“What Potter said.” Draco was surprised he was agreeing with his once sworn nemesis turned begrudging auror partner, but he _really_ didn’t want to go to a backwater town in America of all places.

Kingsley just shook his head in reprimand. “Contrary to what you might think Auror Potter, you aren’t invincible. You need a partner and this could be the opportunity needed for you and Auror Malfoy to get along.”

Both men knew that when Kingsley started using their professional names, they had to get with the program and just agree to whatever said, albeit unhappily.

“Fine. Why are we even going to _South Park_? Merlin, what kind of name is that?” Draco just had to add incredulously. It was pretty much a direction and a destination.

“Can you really _lecture_ people on names? Malfoy? Draco Malfoy?” Harry smirked, loving the anger that flickered in the blonde’s eyes.

Draco masked any hurt he felt at the throwback to their meeting on the train and simply sniffed disdainful. “It’s just not very original is all I’m saying.”

“Boys? If I could just interrupt your squabbling.” Kingsley tried not to look amused as he watched their back and forth. “To answer, Malfoy’s question. There have been a lot of strange reports and sightings by the muggles of that area.”

“Hmmph. Fine. I suppose if I must.” Draco declared magnanimously before adding. “I trust that my expenses will be taken care of?”

Harry rolled his eyes. The Malfoy’s, while paying a sizeable sum in reparations at the end of the war, were still filfthy rich. Yet, Malfoy always demanded a decent chunk of the department’s budget to be spent on his wardrobe to blend in with those _wretched muggles_ as he proclaimed them.

“Of course Auror Malfoy. I’d expect nothing less.” Kingsley smirked before continuing with glee. “Just so you know though… your usual preferred muggle attire won’t really work where you’re going.”

“What? No Prada? No Armani?!” Draco would never admit how high pitched his shriek was then.

“Not unless you want to stick out like a mandrake in a library.” Kingsley warned with a grin on his face. He didn’t really have anything against the youngest Malfoy, he’d more than paid for any transgressions he may have made in his youth. But it was still fun to mess with the stuffy pure blood.

“I’m pretty sure they wear chequered shirts and jeans in North America.” Harry added with unconcealed smugness. He couldn’t wait to see Draco’s face when he took him to a Walmart.

Kingsley shot him a look that said to Harry he wasn’t being helpful. “We can discuss suitable attire during the full briefing.” He needed to urge them along, those two could argue for days if left unchallenged.

“When are we leaving?” Harry’s face was all business now, Auror mode fully established.

“MACUSA are expecting you tomorrow evening, an international portkey has already been set up for then.”

Both boys nodded in confirmation. South Park must be an interesting place if they were needed with this much urgency. Throughout the run down of details, Draco still gave him a look that suggested that this was all Harry’s fault. Somehow, Harry couldn’t help but think that maybe it was.


	2. Trouble comes looking for me

Kyle was _so_ done with all the weird, life threatening catastrophes that went down in South Park. He had thought that by the time they made it out of elementary school, that things would have calmed down. And it did, for a while. This year though, this year had been the worst. And Kyle could just not deal with it any longer. It was his senior year and he had finals to study for and a damn crush on his best friend to get over. He didn’t need to be dealing with serial killer puppets or town wide orgies. Shudders. He still had post traumatic stress from that last one, and a lot of images that even alcohol couldn’t blot out.

Just yesterday, there had been the return of the lobster people for the fifth time! Their intent of world domination had inevitably been thwart by the miraculous appearance of Tom Cruise and the church of Scientology that apparently had a beef with the crustacean army.. or something. In all honesty it didn’t make sense. At all. And Kyle struggled to keep on top of it, and was long past done.

Which was why when Stan, the loveable goofball that he was, greeted him with a cheerful, “Some day we had yesterday!” All Kyle could do was scowl and get into Stan’s pick up truck with a slam.

“Dude! Easy on old Sally here, she’s delicate!” Stan rubbed his _baby_ with a protective caress. Kyle didn’t know whether Stan’s tendency to call his vehicles names was adorable or infuriating. It was a little of both.

The redhead rolled his eyes anyway, looking out the window at the same sparse landscape on their drive to school. “I’m just so fed up of it all. This town! The people!”

“Nice to know how you feel about me Ky.” Stan huffed exaggeratedly.

“You know I don’t mean you.” Kyle sighed once more, mentally adding _that’s part of the problem._ And it was. He knew if Stan wanted him to stay in this dreary town full of fucked up things, that he would. In an instance. He was that far gone on his super best friend, and there was no way in hell he would risk their friendship on the off chance he felt the same way.

“Good, since I’m giving you a ride and all.” Stan winked, oblivious as ever as he returned his gaze to the road.

“You say that at least twice a day.” Kyle smiled, he knew Stan _loved_ the fact that he’d got his driving licence and truck first, Randy had bought him it as a bribery present, and could ferry the two of them around. Kyle had to admit he loved the freedom the two could enjoy, getting away from the town for the weekend was a godsend when they weren’t swamped in homework.

“Gotta remind you how awesome I am. You might forget!”

“I’d never forget that.” Kyle muttered under his breath, a shade too loud since Stan managed to hear him and gave a kilowatt smile in return.

“You’re pretty awesome yourself too dude.”

“Thanks.” Kyle drily intoned before adding. “You know what isn’t awesome? The fact that you have to find a parking spot and I’ve got a chemistry lab in like twenty minutes.”

Stan swore when he noticed that his friend had a point. The parking lot was rammed, some jerk had taken his usual place, and it was 8:37am according to the dashboard clock. Great.  
  


“What’s with all these people?” Kyle wondered aloud. Usually the school parking lot wasn’t this rammed, most students still opted to get the faithful yellow bus.

“I’ve no idea dude.” Stan answered after he finally squeezed his truck into a spot next to the grass verge. Technically, he shouldn’t have parked there, but on the other hand, he just didn’t care. “Shall we find out?”

The boys nodded to each other and set off in search of a friend to tell them, or at least a reliable source.

“What do you douches want?” Came Craig’s surly voice when they ambled up to him in the corridor. They had noticed that despite all the cars parked outside the school, the hallways were bereft of people. Other than the perpetually pissed off Craig who was carrying a travel cup filled with coffee, presumably for his boyfriend Tweek.

“Dude. There’s no need to be an ass. We were just wondering what was going on.” Stan tried to appease his lookalike and long time rival.

Craig shrugged. “Do I look like I give a fuck?”

Before Kyle could call him out on his rudeness, there was a crash of noise as Tweek burst in through the school’s main entranceway, looking harried as he scrambled over to them.

“Babe! What’s up?” Craig’s tone had completely softened as he slipped the blonde’s much needed drink into his trembling hands.

Taking a gratifying swig of the caffeinated substance, Tweek calmed down measurably after his fix. At least enough to speak without twitching too much. “I don’t know man, the school is trending on Twitter. Oh god. Do you think the president is tweeting about me again?!”

Before he could pull at his hair in anguish, Craig held his hands in his, the warmth comforting the smaller boy. “No Tweek, I think you’re fine. The president is on his way out now he lost the election. No one listens to him anyway.”

“Gah. Then why is South Park High trending Craig?” The blonde asked demandingly. He was even more done with this town than Kyle.

“It seems that Paris Hilton has returned and she’s having a fight with Dolly Parton in our cafeteria later on.” Kyle answered as he scrolled through his phone on the Twitter feed. Tweek startled, he’d not even noticed the presence of the other two until that point.

“Why the fuck are they having a fight? And why here at our school?” Tweek squeezed his fists.

“South Park.” Craig replied in his nasally tone, wrapping an arm around the pissed off boy’s shoulders.

All three boys nodded in agreement with Craig’s explanation. The fact that it was South Park made it so everything made sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not sure whether to write this... but I do have some ideas plot wise? So I’ll write it but it may be slow going as this is a fusion that is quite tricky for me. 
> 
> Meanwhile I have ideas for my usual cute South Park stuff that’s my typical fic style that I might just write.


	3. Meet some friends of mine

“For Merlin’s sake Potter, why are we riding in that death contraption?” Draco gasped horrified at the black jeep in front of him. They had just gone through the check in procedure at the International PortKey Bureau- Colorado Division and had been taken to their assigned vehicle.

“It’s not a death contraption Malfoy. I know perfectly well how to drive I’ll have you know.” Harry retorted, though he could see why the blonde pure blood might have some nerves.

“Hmph so you say. I bet Granger confounded the examiner so you got your licence.” It was easy to see that the unimpressed scepticism written on Draco’s face, he had his arms crossed and everything.

“It’s Granger-Weasley actually, and you know ‘Mione wouldn’t do that. Now are you going to get in or what?” Harry sighed. He’d resolved to keep a check on his temper for the duration of this little excursion but Malfoy somehow managed to get under his skin.

Draco muttered something that could have sounded like _pretty sure she cheated to get the weasel on the quidditch team_ before adding rather petulantly, “Can’t we just apparate into South Park? Or at least floo?”

Harry felt like banging his head on the steering wheel, instead he geared himself up for the rant he’d had to have repeatedly;

“For the millionth time Malfoy. You know that we can’t do that. 1) We’ve never been to South Park so we’d probably splinch and you know MACUSA doesn’t pay for medical expenses. 2) They’ve had to put an anti-apparition ward around the entire vicinity until they know exactly what’s going on. 3) You know they don’t have floo travel here. 4) We need to be seen travelling to not appear suspicious. 5) Get in the goddamn car!”

“You needn’t be so rude Potter.” Malfoy merely sniffed and took an unsteady step into the passenger side.

_You needn’t be so bloody infuriating,_ Harry thought but didn’t voice. He was just thankful Malfoy had got in the car and they could hopefully make it to the scheduled meeting on time. Instead he just said, “Buckle up Malfoy.”

“What do you mean? My shoes are fastened correctly?” Harry tried not to laugh at how perplexed he seemed.

“I meant your seatbelt. Here.” Draco stiffened as Harry leaned over him to help secure the belt into the buckle with a resounding click.

“Thanks.” Malfoy surprised himself with the words of gratitude that slipped from his tongue. He wasn’t used to being nice, to Potter of all people.

“No problem!” Harry shrugged, typing in the address he’d been given into the Sat Nav before including a cheery. “Let’s hope I remember to drive on the right side of the road.”

“What?!” The look Malfoy gave him was horrified to say the least. Harry just chuckled.

Mercifully they made it in one piece, with only one instance of Draco shouting in alarm at Harry about pedestrians on the other side of the road. It was fortunate that he had nerves of steel, and had half expected it from similar excursions with Ron, otherwise he might have swerved into oncoming traffic with the blonde shrieking in fear.

When they finally pulled up, on the other side of the city, Draco jumped from the car like he’d seen a swarm of inferi.

“Merlin Potter! Who gave you your licence? A dimmer than average troll?” The blonde was back to sneering now he was on safe ground.

“Shut it Malfoy. I drove just fine. We’re here after all.” Harry gestured to the embossed MACUSA sign that adorned the non-descript building in front of them.

“Hmph this place doesn’t look like much, does it?” Draco raised his eyebrow, fixing a gaze on the plain brickwork that had seen better days.

“Don’t be rude Malfoy.” Harry hushed his partner, he’d noticed the official that had come out to greet them and worried that Malfoy would offend their hosts if he carried on. “Besides, they probably don’t want to attract Muggles.”

“That’s what a ward is for. Honestly Potter.” Draco rolled his eyes before plastering an obsequious smile on his face as the domineering man strolled forward to greet them.

“Hi! We are Aurors Potter and Malfoy from the British Division.” Harry nervously introduced them both as the man in front of them stared impassively.

“Gentlemen, we’ve been expecting you. I’m the lead on the case. Detective Parker.” He nodded, extending his hand in a respectful handshake to both aurors as he led them to the double doors of the entrance. He stopped, scrutinising them.“Before we go in though, I’ll need to see some identification.”

“Erm… will our wands be okay?” Harry ventured in confusion. Kingsley hadn’t briefed that in the protocols, but it made sense with how easily polyjuice could be used. The problem was, while Harry had his driving licence, Draco probably didn’t even have a birth certificate to his name.

“How quaint.” Detective Parker sighed before holding his hands out to take their wands. “Yes, I guess that will have to do. Do you Brits not have a W-ID card? Our non-maj team came up with them. They’re like normal muggle identification cards but will glow if they’re used by an imposter.”

“They sound pretty good.” Harry tried his best to be appeasing, but he could already tell this guy was pretty pompous. He kind of wondered why Draco wasn’t speaking up yet. When he turned to the blonde, he saw that the man was just standing in sullen silence, taking it all in. Must be a Slytherin trait, Harry surmised.

Detective Parker used the standard spell for identification with his own wand before nodding. “Okay. You guys seem above board. The wands match the ones we have on record for Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy.” He opened the doors grandly and said. “You guys can come on in to the briefing room.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I’ll add more to this chapter.. I’m going to keep flipping between perspectives. I’ll keep updating if people are enjoying it enough.


	4. The boy who lived

The resurrection process was as disorienting as ever when Kenny, yet again, found himself suddenly brought back to life and laying on his crappy, worn mattress. This death hadn’t been too drawn out at least, he’d inevitably ended up getting caught in the crossfire when Dolly Parton had pulled out her shotgun, firing off rounds at Paris like she was throwing confetti at a newlywed. The blonde sighed, he just didn’t understand why he was still caught in this immortality death loop. If he was meant to die, then it could at least just be over with.

The most frustrating part was that no one ever seemed to believe him. Not Stan and those guys, and not even Butters. The naïve blonde would always act distressed if Kenny tried to bring up his perpetual death cycle. He supposed that was a normal reaction to hearing that your best friend believed himself to be immortal and had suffered countless deaths. So Kenny had just stopped talking about it. He didn’t suppose many people would care anyway.

The teen got up with a grunt, cracking his newly reformed bones. It was unfortunate that having just arisen from the dead didn’t excuse you from school, and so the blonde would have to get a move on if he was going to make it on time.

“Oh man Kenny, where did you go yesterday? Those crazy chicks were hardcore fighting in the canteen, and you disappeared!” Cartman said in lieu of a greeting as Kenny sidled up to their stop. He kind of wished that Stan would offer him a ride to school, but he figured that the dark haired was using the opportunity to get close to Kyle. Kenny was many things, but a cockblock was not one of them, and it was way too obvious that both the super best friends had a thing for each other.  
  


“I was having a smoke.” The blonde gave a lazy shrug as he hopped up onto the familiar school bus, watching with amusement as Cartman reprised his daily struggle of boarding the vehicle. That guy seriously needed to lose some weight, given that he was having difficulty breathing walking up the very few steps.

“Lame.” Cartman huffed as he finally took a seat, squishing Kenny into the window. A cheerful hello from a fellow passenger made both boys turn around.

“Hey fellas! How you both doin’ today?” Butters called from the seat behind, making Kenny automatically smile whilst Cartman sighed in exasperation.

“I’m doing just fine my buttercup. What you doing on the bus though? Doesn’t your dad normally take you?” Kenny asked, taking in the dark circles that marred the usually flawless porcelain skin.

The sweet blonde’s joyful expression darkened considerably, and he replied somewhat tonelessly. “Oh.. well you see.. my dad was awful sore about something I’d done yesterday… I can’t actually remember what..” Butters shook his head forcefully at that, expelling unpleasant memories. “So I thought it best to get the bus and not go bothering him for a lift.”

Kenny tried to surpress the icy anger that burned from within at all his friend had told him, and what he knew must have been omitted from the account. It wasn’t fair. He knew realistically that Butters wasn’t an angel, but he was pretty damn close. And Kenny would stop at nothing to protect him.

“Are you sure you’re okay Leo? I can _talk_ to your dad?” Kenny had to ask, he was always happy to use his alter ego, Mysterion hadn’t come out much these days. The teens had stopped playing superheroes when they’d reached high school, so now it was mainly just Kenny.

“That’s awfully kind of you Ken.” Butters gave him a megawatt smile, grateful to have his friend. “But to be honest, that’ll just make my dad more angry. It’s best to just leave him and he’ll forgive me for whatever bad thing I’ve done now.”

Kenny sighed. He wanted to help Butters, but he didn’t want to make it worse for him. He knew how shitty South Park’s social services were from first hand experience. He supposed they only had a year and a bit left and then they could both move away. He would take any job he could find if it meant he could earn enough money to look after both him and Leo.

“Alright. But just so you know my buttercup, you’ve done nothing wrong. You’re the nicest guy I know.” Butters began to protest this statement but Kenny shushed him. “If you ever need me, I’ll come get you straight away. Whatever time of day. No questions asked.”

“You’re so sweet Ken.” Butters smiled, genuinely happy for the first time that day. He had been feeling out of sorts till his friend arrived. He didn’t deserve someone as lovely as Kenny looking out for him, but he wasn’t about to complain.

“Ugh! You guys are too gross, could you be sucking his dick any harder? I might actually vomit.” Cartman fake wretched and both blondes were startled by his presence, they had completely forgotten his existence.

“Shut up Cartman, you’re just jealous that I won’t suck your dick.” Kenny rolled his eyes, smirking at the brunette boy next to him.

“Ewww like I’d want your disease riddled mouth anywhere near me.” Cartman shuddered dramatically before addressing Butters. “I’d get yourself tested for AIDS if I was you, who knows where the walking STD has been.”

“Oh.. erm.. Eric. Kenny and I aren’t.. you know.. doing that sort of stuff.” Butters blushed adorably as he spluttered about the sexual stuff. Kenny was just his friend, unfortunately.

“Plus I’ve got a clean bill of health.” Kenny produced medical paperwork from his parka pocket, proclaiming all his negative test results from sexually transmitted diseases.

“Why the fuck do you carry that around with you?” Cartman demanded.

The blonde smirked before adding a suave wink. “You just never know when you’re going to need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not finished yet but thought I’d post what I’d written previously. Get back to writing this one too since I’ve been getting back into it during my time off.


	5. Humble folks without temptation

“Why are we listening to this muggle garbage?” Draco whined for the thousandth time on the trip from Denver to South Park. The blonde was sitting ram rod straight as Harry drove, hiding how terrified he was by maintaining perfect posture.

Harry, who’d already answered this question with a resounding _driver chooses the music_ , sighed and rolled his eyes. “Honestly Malfoy, you can’t be calling _Queen_ of all things garbage. You should listen to what they call music today.”

“You sound like one of those fuddy duddy people that moan about the Weird Sisters being too edgy or something.” He sniffed, glaring at his companion.

“Trust me. I’m not.” Harry muttered darkly thinking about W.A.P amongst other songs. A part of him wanted to put it on, see the pureblood’s reaction to the lyrics, but he mostly didn’t want to listen to it himself, so he refrained.

“If you say so… can we at least listen to Celestina Warbeck? I don’t understand why this _Queen_ person is so obsessed with riding his vélocipède.”

“Vélocipède?” Harry had to frown, not having a clue about what Malfoy had said.

“Honestly, you’re so uncultured Potter. It’s a bicycle, a mode of transport that became popular in the eighteen hundreds.”

Harry kept his eyes on the road, the landscape was becoming much more hilly and snow covered as they drove further up in altitude, as he muttered under his breath. _It’s like driving with Hermione._

The dark haired man had to suppress a smirk when he heard the indignant squawk. Seemed Malfoy had heard him after all. They could not arrive in South Park soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the start of this chapter. I can see this fic taking a while but I’ll get there!


End file.
